


I'm Not Her

by DeadGhostWriter13



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25885855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadGhostWriter13/pseuds/DeadGhostWriter13
Summary: At 26 years old, Ava should be happy and looking for a mate. But there's a slight problem. For 5 years, she's been trapped. It was her mind and her body, but it was also the mind and body of a lie. A lie that she's forced to be and tell. If only her idiot brother had kept his mouth shut like he promised.A trip to her favorite dive bar leads Ava straight to the blue eyed beauty named Castiel, an Omega. She wants him, but that can and will never happen.





	1. Dishonorably Discharged

"Winchester!"

Three heads looked up at Ketch.

"Ugh. Right, there are 3 of you. Ava, Alistair wants to see you in his office in 5."

I nodded, knowing what was awaiting me. Sam and Dean gave me a shared look of worry.

"Ah, there she is. Lock the door." Alistair commanded. I locked it and started to unbutton my shirt.

"No, that's my job. Now get on your knees and do as I say like the good little bitch you are."

With no hesitation I got on my knees, I learned the hard way what happened if I didn't do as he said. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head up.

"Keep those pretty green eyes open."

Maintaining eye contact, he took off his belt, setting it on his desk for later usage. Then he pulled his pants and boxers down. His sinister grin sickened me. I looked away from his eyes and down at his dick, hard and dripping precome already. He grabbed my jaw harshly and forced it open. Alistair shoved his cock into my mouth, ignoring my gagging and struggle to breath, all the way to the base.

"Put those hands to use bitch. Fondle my balls. You know how I want my cock sucked, so get to work."

My hands shakily reached up and start to fondle his balls. Used to Alistair's routine, I worked his dick. Instead of pulling out and coming on my face, he pushed his cock in deep, forcing me to swallow his come. Throwing me onto his chair, he stripped my clothes off. The belt was jammed into my mouth to keep my noises from escaping. Alistair slipped a finger into my pussy, moving it around. Quickly he added one finger after the other. Once he got to using his thumb, he took his hand out. I'm relieved for a brief moment until his entire fist slammed inside of me. Over and over. Then he stopped, right before shoving a finger in my asshole. This was new and I didn't like it. I couldn't do anything about it so I sat there, paralyzed in fear as his dry, rough, unlubricated fingers wiggled in. Instead of going slow and gradually increasing the number of fingers over the course of a few days, he put four fingers inside in a matter of minutes. Next he threw me to the ground on all fours and slammed into me hard. I don't know how long he went at my ass before flipping me over and instantly hammering his cock in my pussy. As a final act, Alistair forced me to jack him off.

Today Alistair was rougher than ever before, which is why I walked into me and my brothers living quarters, dubbed "The Bunker" with a heavy limp and horse voice.

"Alistair has been calling you to his office a lot more in the past few days then before. What does he need from you?"

I couldn't look Dean in the eyes, "Doesn't matter."

"Ava, is Alistair raping you?" Sam asked with worry.

"You can't say anything to anyone!" I yelled, panicked, "He says bad things will happen if I tell anyone."

"Really? This is a serious matter Ava."

"Dean, please please please promise to stay quiet. You too Sam."

"Alright. But I won't let Alistair get away with this forever. Sam and I love you, and we want to keep you safe."

Two days later, I learned my idiot brother hadn't kept his promise. He was trying to do the right thing, but in the end, he just screwed me over.

I was dishonorably discharged from the military. My punishment included all military benifts other then a pay check were revoked, an inspector would come by once a month to make sure I was following the rules of my punishment, and the worst punishment of all: I had to wear special Alpha scent blockers, which would change my scent from Alpha to Omega.


	2. Bar Fight

"What can I get you honey?" the bartender asked. Female, Beta, 22 years old, college student, going for a Medical degree, unmated.

"Whiskey."

Black Eyes Bar was my favorite dive bar to go to. This was a new worker, so she was unfamiliar with me.

"Hard day at work?" she asked, trying to hold a conversation.

"Nope. How long have you worked here?"

"Tonight's my first offical night without another employee."

"Mmm. Is Meg still working here?"

"Yea, she's waiting right now. Old friend?"

"I guess. I've been coming here every week night for 5 years. Occasionally I'll come in for pool on the weekends. Drunk guys are easy to hustle. They think since I'm a female Omega, I don't got shit compared to them. Little do they know I've been hustling pool since I was 7 years old."

"Should you be telling me that you hustle?"

"At this point in time, every employee here knows I hustle. Provides entertainment for the night, especially if it leads to a fight. Crowley's only rule is nothing someone would go to the police about or need severe medical attention for."

"Oh. Is that legal?"

"Sweetie, this is a dive bar. Legal and illegal blend together. But, this is a good job for a college kid like you. Easy pay, nice boss and employees, hardly any issues with Alphas. So keep this job while you finish college. Medical degrees aren't easy. Sorry if I scared you earlier."

"That's okay. How'd you know that I was a Med student?"

"I've got a good nose." I said, tapping my nose, "And I saw you working on some school work earlier."

She smiled, "I see why you're a person Meg likes."

"Someone summon me?"

Meg looked at me and grinned, "Ah, there's my kick-ass hustler! So far no Alphas that require a visit from you."

"What's that mean?" the bartender wondered.

"If an Alpha causes trouble, Ava here makes sure they behave themselves."

"Like you beat them up?"

"That she does. I think she has a few screws loose, no sane Omega squares up to an alpha. Except this crazy maniac."

I laughed, "Yet, have I ever lost a fight?"

Meg chuckled, "Nope. Watch yourself though."

"If anyone hurts me or tries any funny business, one phone call and my brothers will be here."

"Hey Ruby, I'm taking a break, cover my shift!" Meg hollered to the kitchen.

I stood up and moved to a table where Meg quickly joined me.

"Have they been dismissed?"

"Sam just did, Dean's been out 3 years now."

"And you haven't talked to either?"

"No. I know I have to now that Sam's out. Probably going to go home to them sitting in my living room."

"You don't talk to them, yet they have a key?"

"No. Do you really think that as a Winchester, lock-picking isn't something we learn?"

"Toche."

"Buddy, please just leave us alone."

"Oh, c'mon. Your little Omega friend is just begging for an Alpha, I can see it in his eyes."

We turned around to see an Alpha leaning on a table where 4 people sit. Facing me was a female, Beta, 31, long red hair and a male, Beta, 32, British, blonde hair. Facing away from me was another male, Beta, 30, light brown hair. Then there's the Alpha's target, male, Omega, 27, messy black hair. The Alpha is a male, 35.

I got up and walked over. "Excuse me, but I believe they asked you to leave them alone."

The Alpha stood up to look at me. He was a little taller than me and very muscular.

"What did you just say to me Omega bitch?"

"You heard me. Leave them alone."

"Or what?"

My appearance, size, and clothing was always deceiving for people. So, they always underestimated me.

"I'm warning you one last time, leave them alone."

A laugh escaped him. He threw his fist at me, which I easily dodged. Attempting a few more attacks, the Alpha was obviously getting angry. Now it was my turn. In a matter of seconds, the Alpha was on the ground. One of my legs pinned down his left arm while the other rested on his back. I had a hand grabbing his elbow, holding his arm behind his back and the other was holding his wrist, my fingers positioned on his hand for my threat.

"Now, unless you want your hand broken 9 ways to Sunday, you listen closely. For starters, you leave these fine folks alone. Then, if I ever, ever, hear that you've been harassing Omegas again, I will hunt you down and I will do a whole lot worse than break your hand. Are we clear?"

"Y-yea...yea we're clear! I get the message. Please just let me go!" he whimpered.

I laughed, "What was that I just heard? An Alpha begging to an Omega? I don't think I heard you right. Can you please repeat youself?"

"Yes! I understand you. Please let me go for God's sake!"

"Mmmm.... I'm sorry, I must be getting hard of hearing. Could you say that again, but a little louder?

"Yea, I understand you! Jesus Christ, please let me go you crazy bitch!"

"One last time, without using God's name or calling me profanities."

"I understand what you're saying. Please let me go."

"Good boy."

I dropped his hand and stood up. As the Alpha stood up, I grabbed him by the neck and slammed his face into the table, hard. He stumbled back and then ran out the door.

"Thank you." I heard someone say. Turning to look at the table, I was floored by the beautiful bright blue eyes of the Omega.

"No problem."

"Seriously, thank you." the man next to the Omega said.

"Of course."

"That was both brave and idiotic of you." the girl stated.

"I'll say, you got balls girl." the British man smiled.

"Why'd you do it? You didn't have to." the Omega quietly asked, looking at the table.

"Because I'm sick and tired of Alphas being cocky bastards who think they can do whatever the Hell they want, whenever they want, to whoever they want."

He looked at me, unsure.

"Here," I took a pen from my pocket and grabbed his hand, "This is my number. If you ever need me for anything, call me. I'm available all day, 5 am to 10 pm."

"Oh, how rude of us, we didn't introduce ourselves!" the man next to the Omega exclaimed when he sees my name.

"I'm Gabriel, this is my brother Castiel," he pointed to the Omega, "That's our cousin Anna and our cousin Balthazar."

Castiel was staring at his hand very intently.

"I didn't break your brother, did I?"

Gabriel laughed, "Nah, just not used to bad-ass women giving him their number."

My phone buzzed, a text from Dean.

"Well, it was nice meeting you guys. I gotta run. See you around."

As I walked out the door, I turned to Meg and called out, "Bye Meg, tell Crowley I love him and to not ban me!"


	3. Brothers

My phone rang as I got into my car.

"Hey Dean."

-Where are you?-

"Just leaving a bar and heading home."

-Okay.-

"Everything alright Dean?"

-Yea. Talk to you later A.-

"Bye Squirrel."

I pulled into my driveway and parked the car. When I entered my house, I pulled out my gun. Carefully, I walked into the living room. I flinched and raised my gun when the light turned on.

"Ava! It's just us."

"Told you this was a bad idea." came a deep voice next to me. I pointed my gun in that direction.

"Moose? Squirrel?"

"Hey Rabbit." Dean chuckled.

Tucking away my gun, I sighed, "You realize I could have killed you, right?"

"Looks like it was our lucky day then."

"Not funny Dean. What are you two doing here anyway?"

Sam stood up and hugged me, crying.

"Woah, Sammy. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm happy, glad."

I pushed him to arms length and looked him in the eyes, then to Dean, who was staring at the floor.

"We should sit." Sam instructed.

On the couch Dean sat to my right and Sam in the chair, leaning forward.

"A. I'm sorry it took this long."

"Okay, enough of this weird emotional shit. Spit it out, whatever you have to say."

"They finally busted Alistair. What he did, it's all out there now. Meaning-"

I stood up, "I don't care Dean. Get out of my house, both of you. And never come back."

"Ava, now that he's caught-"

"Sam! I said out!"

Dean grabbed my wrist as I turned away, pulling me back to him.

"Damn it! Ava Marie Winchester! Listen to me!" Dean yelled.

I'm stunned, as was Sam. Dean had never yelled at me, ever, let alone use my full name.

"Now that Alistair is busted, that means-"

"I don't give two fucks about what that means Dean!"

"Seriously Ava-"

"No! No! You don't say his name. You don't mention him. Both of you need to leave." I said pointing to the door.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House." I growled.

"NOW!"

They both stood up and quickly exited.


	4. In Need Of Alcohol And A Friend/DD

After they left I texted Meg.

=Hey Meg, you still at the bar?=

-Was just about 2 leave. Y?-

=I need a friend/dd and get smashed as fuck=

-Ok but u have 2 tell me everything-

I arrived at Black Eyes Bar a little later. Meg was waiting at the bar.

"Alcohol first. Talk after." I grumbled.

The Beta from earlier, Marcy, was still working. ""What do you want?"

"The strongest shit you got, and a lot of it."

Meg frowned, "I've only seen you this desperate to get to this level of drunk once before and that was when you first came in."

"Well, funny you should say that. Because the reason I entered this bar the first time to get drunk, is why I'm here now."

"Five years ago, I was dishonorably discharged on false accusations. I'm a female Alpha. Which is rare. One of my superiors took a liking to me. Decided I would be his personal sex toy. He raped me, over and over. One day my brothers put two and two together. Alistair, the Alpha, had told me if I tried to claim he was raping me, there would be consequences. Dean and Sam promised not to tell, but Dean lied and told someone. Thus, I got accused and discharged on fale claims. The punishments meant I only got a military payment but no other bonuses, a person would check monthly I was following the last and worst part. Alpha suppresses to make me scent as Omega."

"Holy shit. That's fucked up. So what happened earlier that led to you being here?" Meg questioned.

"Sam and Dean were at my house. Said Alistair got busted. Meaning I'm no longer dishonorably discharged, I've been cleared of all punishment."

"Okay..."

"After being raped by the same guy for over two years, being falsely charged and kicked out and forced to a life of lies, spending the next five years going to therapy and put on meds for anxiety, depression, and OCD, which I never realized I had, then starting to feel truly at peace for the first time in five long fucking years, and suddenly my brothers who fucked up my life sneak into my home and drop a bomb on me, bringing forth all the memories and feelings of the worst, most disgusting, vile two years of my life, so now five years of therapy have gone down the drain and all I want to do is get hella drunk and die."

"If I ever see the bastards who are my brothers again, I'll probably kill them if I haven't killed myself first."

"Now, I'm going to enjoy my drink and get smashed to next week."


	5. Drunk

"Meg. More booze please." I slurred.

"Nope. Sorry Ava. No more."

"Pleeeeaaaasssseeeeee? Preeeeeeeetttttyyyy pleeeaaase?"

"No."

"I'll give you a blow job."

"Ava, I'm a female. I don't got a dick."

"I do. Tucked away. Ya wanna see it?"

"No! TMI by the way."

"Alistair made me give him blow jobs. It hurt. I either got a faceful of nasty cum or I had to- I had to-" I started crying, "I had to swallow it. Why did I have to swallow it Meg?" I grabbed her shirt and placed my head on her chest.

"What did I do to deserve it?" My body was shaking, racked with loud sobs.

"More alcohol please. I need it. It makes everything better. Things go away."

"No! I'm not letting you have any more!" Meg said, exasperated.

A wave of anger hit me. I swiped my arm across the counter, knocking off and shattering glasses. I shoved Meg back and bent down, snatching a piece of glass, ready to slit my wrists but Meg tackled me and pulled the piece of glass away from me.

"I'm sorry Meg. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

I kept repeating myself while Meg tightly hugged me, rubbing my back, quietly speaking, "shhh....it's okay. I'm here. I got you. Just breathe. shhhhh...."


	6. The Call

It had been a week since my incident with Meg. She decide to crash at my place and get me back on two steady feet.

I had to finish the rest of the month on suppressors before I could go Alpha. On Thursday I got a call.

"Ava Winchester."

-Oh, uh. Hi. This is Castiel. Um, well, we met at that bar last week. And uh, Gabe thought I should call you. We're going to a concert tommorow and was hoping for you to um, join us. Yeah, um, what do you think?-

"Of course! That sounds great. Will I meet you there or...?"

There was a scuffle on the other line.

-Heya there Ava. This is Gabe, Cassies older bro. We will pick you up tommorow at 7. No need for formal wear. Text your address.-

"Got it. Bye."

The next night I was nervous.

"Okay girl. Listen, you will do fine." Meg scolded.

"Yeah. What about this outfit?"

I walked out of the bathroom in a grey t-shirt, a green flannel, black ripped skinny jeans, and black combat boots.

Meg whistled, "Hot damn. Look out boys, here comes babe of the century!"

A laugh escaped me. I brushed my sandy blonde hair and put on a grey beanie. My assorted bracelets jingled as I grabbed my makeup case.

"You think black lipstick and smokey eye?"

"Yes. Man you are going to knock Castiel's socks off. He won't know what hit him."

"Do I tell them tonight?"

"I think so. When they get here. I'll be right by your side."

At 7 Meg opened the door to let Gabe, Balthazar, and Castiel in.

"So before anything I wanted to tell you something."

They eye me carefully.

"Well, I'm an Alpha. 5 years ago I was dishonorably discharged after false claims were made from the man who raped me. I was forced to take suppressors to appear as an Omega. My raper has finally been caught and as of the end of this month, I will officially be an Alpha again."

The three men stare, stunned.

"So that's why you saved my brother? Cause you wanted to get at him instead of the other Alpha?" Gabriel accused.

"No. God no! I didn't know until after I met you guys. I stood up for Castiel because I was a rape victim of a cocky Alpha who thought he could do anything he wanted!"

"Oh." Gabe whispered, the anger quickly dissipating from his voice.

"Is it normal to share that much information on a first date?" Castiel softly asked.

"Uh, no. But I didn't want to lie and to tell the truth, you need backstory. Definitely could've told you guys in a better way. Sorry."

"She's a blunt, straight-to-the-point, no nonsense, cut the bullshit kinda gal." Meg smirked.

"Don't you work at Black Eyes Bar?" Balthazar asked.

"Yup. I'm just here for emotional support and to make sure this nutjob doesn't get herself dead."

Gabe laughed, "Should that worry us?"

"Nah, I've been calling her crazy for the past 5 years. No Omega that's sane would fight an Alpha. Makes sense though now. Cause you aren't an Omega. But you are still a wack-job."

"I'm often a smartass with a smart mouth. Winchester charm I guess."

As if on cue, Dean rolled up in his Impala.

"God damn it. You three wait in the car. I have two brothers I need to murder. Meg you can be the eye-wittness."

"Sweet."


	7. Note to readers

Hey there! I know I haven't posted new chapters in a while. I am so sorry for that. This work is not abandoned. My depression has reared its ugly head again and it hit me hard. I've been struggling to find the motivation/will to write. Like, I want to, but I just can't you know? I hate it. These stories are ones I love and have so many ideas for. I go to write and then nothing happens. I've gotten a little better. I was able to start a new story. I'm working through it. I feel so bad for not posting and I hope to be able to post more chapters. Depression sucks.

**Author's Note:**

> Posting schedule not in place


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